Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Alright you fucking Sad Sacks. Chariot Wars returns for another year of brutality!
Here's what you need to know so far:
February 13th., 2016
Meet for Brunch at Dawson Park, PDX and be ready to ride from there.
Brunch starts at 11 AM
Ride to the battle leaves at 1 PM
Shit-talking begins NOW!
This is mainly a formality since very little is changing, but here are the rules this year's organizers have decided on for Ben Hurt 2016.
1) Have fun, dammit. It's fun to fuck up your friends, but remember that we ARE friends.
2) To be eligible to win, a team will consist of two people, one charioteer and one steed, a bike/trike/kickscooter/unicyclist and a chariot joined together by a hitch.
3) Battlecars may enter but may not win. If there are enough entrants, we propose a separate battlecar expo demolition derby, which would be hella sweet.
4) If any team member loses contact with their chariot, they're out. If your chariot is disabled, you're out. Cheaters are out. Goon Squad has final say.
5) Spectators are not to fuck with chariots in any meaningful way. You can hand someone a fallen weapon. Glitter/shaving cream balloon bombs, okay. Chili-flinging, gross, but okay. Build a chariot if you want to fight.
6) If a battlecar is in the arena but not participating in the battle (like the hot tub), they are not to be fucked with.
7) Goon Squad can and will blacklist spectators from the party and Sunday Olympics if these very simple guidelines are not followed.
8) No chemical/biological weapons. Smoke bombs are okay, as is blood from a wound sustained in battle, but please don't bring pipe bombs or months old piss and rotten eggs. This applies to spectators as well as charioteers.
9) Weapons must be padded. If you want to use an unpadded weapon ONLY against chariots, it must be painted bright orange. If you don't want it used against you, don't bring it.
10) deal with it.